I'm reminding myself of some truths today. Sometimes these truths feel like justifications, or excuses, sit opposite of other things I might think are truths, but today I'm convincing myself that they actually are truths. Why? Amidst the excitement of starting a few programs in Bethania that we (me, Abdiel, some community leaders) think are really good, I've come into particularly close contact with the cultural norm of people not showing up to things. Which leaves the one organizing said things with a morsel of discouragement on his figurative plate. This weekend:
-Friday business/community leaders meeting @ 5:30 w/ 12 or so invitees, each invited personally. We packed up at 6:20 after 0 people showed up.
-Saturday Toros football practice was canceled after only 4 people confirmed their ability to come, and then the quarterback backed out. Got a game this weekend so hopefully we can throw something together at practice this week.
-Monday morning tutoring program (5 kids involved) had one kid show up 15 minutes late, who didn't bring any homework, so he went home after we talked for awhile. Then another one showed up 45 minutes late, who also didn't bring any homework, but he brought some checkers. So we played that and talked for 2 hours after.
-Monday afternoon tutoring program (also 5 kids) was attended by 0.
-Monday night we launched a business class, which I was really excited about. We prepared a lot of material over the last 3 weeks, handed out a good 75 flyers, hung some others, there was a lot of interest from people, I thought it was realistic for 20+ people to be there. Well the guy who was helping set up the community center and one other woman who works a electronic repair shop came. We didn't cover any class material, just did personal business consultations with them.
So when the unpleasantly chilly breeze of discouragement doest blow, I try to remember things that are true rather than wallow.
1. Depth beats breadth. Would I rather have 5 good friends who I grow together with or 100 people involved in a program? Small things with great love, right? That's what Mother Teresa said, and I don't argue much with her. I want to believe in the smaller things that can go deeper and I do, I just get frustrated when I plan something big and it doesn't turn out that way. BUT, I had a really good talk with Brandon Monday because no one else showed up for the tutoring program. I learned a lot more about Liliana and her business at the business class than I would have had 30 people come. The lack of Toros practices as of late has made more space for me and Hans to hang out and get through Genesis. On to "A Simple Way To Pray!" Honestly though while depth beats breadth, I don't wanna back and see 5 good friends, I want to see a community movement that becomes community-initiated and is sustained long beyond my presence there, and that requires more than 5 people. Soooo can I have both?
2. Live in the moment, with who/what's in front of you. Don't focus what's not. If I'm across the table from someone and I'm worrying about the state of my program, what does that say about their value? About what I truly value? People or programs?
3. God's going to bring who and what He wants. I learned this one at BOC Bible Study on 3rd Floor of Saxe Hall at CMU. The Bible Study aimed at freshmen football players morphed to a mix of wrestlers, footballers, and muggles (non-athletes), and whether there was 1 person or 15 people, I had to believe God was bringing who he wants, and it is better that way than if things go according to my plan.
4. Rome wasn't built in a day. It's been 3 months since I really planted in this community. This is week 2 of the tutoring program and the first business class. Things take some time to gain steam, and they aren't defined by how many people show up to the launch. If I really believe these things are good and that the people need & want them (which I do), I won't throw in the towel very quickly. If my eyes are on 5 years from now, I'm not all that concerned with what happens in this stage. Chill bro. Hans (Toros QB) told me this week that he learned from reading Genesis that time and circumstances are not a factor, we just need to be faithful. Time to take a page out of our business class curriculum and remember that starting new things takes time to grow, and "failure" is an opportunity to rethink, reimagine, and relaunch!
5. My lifelong mission is to become more like Christ and to glorify/point people to God. It's not to build up a broken community or change the world. God's in control of those things, and he'll do it how He pleases. He's sanctifying me through all things.
6. The strongest plants grow from the roots. I've got a mint plant in my herb garden and the plant looks like crud but every week it seems like a new shoot springs up a good foot away from the mother plant. That's cause it grows and spreads from the roots, not just with a bunch of leaves and nothing underneath. I've still got a lot to learn. I don't know Spanish the best, I've never taken a single business course, let alone taught one, and I don't have a library full of games to play with teenagers cause I was never a youth pastor. God's got a lot shaping to do with this clay pot here. I've still got a lot to learn about really trusting God, and re-learn a number of the things I'd like to teach the folks I'm tryna teach.
7. Community development moves slowly, at the speed of people. This was what I walked away saying after my first visit to Parker Street Ministries, and I loved so much how personal and true-hearted their ministry was, and how it took 10-15 years of relationships to get to the point where they were moving forward with the more external things like buildings and parks and whatnot. That being said, days like today make me yearn for a normal job where I'm not having to be friendly to all kinds of strangers and start things from nothing and borrow things. Like dang it would be nice to just crank out some batches of salad dressing at the restaurant, or tend to customers needs at a retail shop, or do rounds at a hospital, or teach some math to students who are required to be there so there's something predictable going on. Eh.
8. Guatemalans, as a whole, are not particularly opportunistic. (I can only write this because I quote from at least 2 Guatemalans I've talked to.) They've got a lot of things to juggle just to get through today and eat. So the "survival mentality" that dominates impoverished lives is a real thing. People are always going to be late to things, or just not show up, even if they tell you, "Oh man that sounds great, we'll be there!" Perhaps they don't take advantage of help cause they don't imagine anything better for themselves, or for their country. So the programs we put together are pretty well geared to the needs they expressed, but, so it is. Community programs aren't like school where you need to go, not like church where one may feel obligated to go, they're optional, even if they're really helpful, and even if the "rules" say not to skip tutoring program, what are we gonna do about it? But again, if we believe these are good things, we're not gonna just throw them away cause they didn't start with a bang.
9. Music can speak some of the best simple truths. (Also some of the catchiest lies #popmusic).
Eric Bibb is a great blues artist (click to listen). He writes,
Just keep goin' on
Take every knock as a boost
And every stumbling block as a stepping stone
Lift up your head and hold your own
Just keep goin' on
10. My "trials" pale in comparison to the daily struggles of the people I'm trying to help, so don't go crying anywhere. So people suck at showing up. Well, I've still got food on the table (thanks supporters), I've got a cozy bed, a smokin' hot and gold-hearted wife who shares said cozy bed with me, a hot shower, and a good God who knows a lot more what he's doing than I do. Most Guatemalans can't say all of those things, sadly, so suck it up AJ, and spend yourself on their behalf and quit worrying about your doggone dreams for awesome ministries and programs. Also, my light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that outweighs them all, so I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal! (2 Cor 4)
11. I want to find curl up with what's familiar, with what feels good but I need to live on what's true, not on what I feel. Since I do have a number of things to fall back on, that's where I want to go when something goes wrong. Just Skype with Mom and see my dog, or eat some blackberry crisp, or play a board game and win (to placate the blast to my ego, of course). Last night I just wanted to go to bed and wake up late and not have to deal with the thoughts that maybe none of this is going to work [how I want it to]. But instead, I woke up early and hit the gym, threw some weights around, then turned on some acoustic blues music and did some writing. The Miller girl from the Bahamas didn't feel like she could win the 400m in the olympics at the end, but she ran based on what was true that she had just a bit of effort left, so she gave everything and dove across the finish line to edge out the more complacent Allyson Felix for gold. Being comforted by familiarity is good, but it doesn't change the reality in front of you. The reality is that God brought us here to do His will. The reality is that people in Bethania are struggling--financially, relationally, spiritually. God brought me there not to wallow, but to bring the good news that He is redeeming all of this and that Jesus is the way. He's got a killer plan for Bethania, and some of that involves me and most of that doesn't. The reality is me and people there and everywhere still need a Savior, regardless of how I feel about who's showing up to things.
Alright, well, I'm headed to Bethania, to celebrate what there is, maybe tweak some ideas, maybe bash some kids on the side of the head for being all talk and no show, and just keep goin' on. Dig some roots. Learn some more stuff.
-Friday business/community leaders meeting @ 5:30 w/ 12 or so invitees, each invited personally. We packed up at 6:20 after 0 people showed up.
-Saturday Toros football practice was canceled after only 4 people confirmed their ability to come, and then the quarterback backed out. Got a game this weekend so hopefully we can throw something together at practice this week.
-Monday morning tutoring program (5 kids involved) had one kid show up 15 minutes late, who didn't bring any homework, so he went home after we talked for awhile. Then another one showed up 45 minutes late, who also didn't bring any homework, but he brought some checkers. So we played that and talked for 2 hours after.
-Monday afternoon tutoring program (also 5 kids) was attended by 0.
-Monday night we launched a business class, which I was really excited about. We prepared a lot of material over the last 3 weeks, handed out a good 75 flyers, hung some others, there was a lot of interest from people, I thought it was realistic for 20+ people to be there. Well the guy who was helping set up the community center and one other woman who works a electronic repair shop came. We didn't cover any class material, just did personal business consultations with them.
So when the unpleasantly chilly breeze of discouragement doest blow, I try to remember things that are true rather than wallow.
1. Depth beats breadth. Would I rather have 5 good friends who I grow together with or 100 people involved in a program? Small things with great love, right? That's what Mother Teresa said, and I don't argue much with her. I want to believe in the smaller things that can go deeper and I do, I just get frustrated when I plan something big and it doesn't turn out that way. BUT, I had a really good talk with Brandon Monday because no one else showed up for the tutoring program. I learned a lot more about Liliana and her business at the business class than I would have had 30 people come. The lack of Toros practices as of late has made more space for me and Hans to hang out and get through Genesis. On to "A Simple Way To Pray!" Honestly though while depth beats breadth, I don't wanna back and see 5 good friends, I want to see a community movement that becomes community-initiated and is sustained long beyond my presence there, and that requires more than 5 people. Soooo can I have both?
2. Live in the moment, with who/what's in front of you. Don't focus what's not. If I'm across the table from someone and I'm worrying about the state of my program, what does that say about their value? About what I truly value? People or programs?
3. God's going to bring who and what He wants. I learned this one at BOC Bible Study on 3rd Floor of Saxe Hall at CMU. The Bible Study aimed at freshmen football players morphed to a mix of wrestlers, footballers, and muggles (non-athletes), and whether there was 1 person or 15 people, I had to believe God was bringing who he wants, and it is better that way than if things go according to my plan.
4. Rome wasn't built in a day. It's been 3 months since I really planted in this community. This is week 2 of the tutoring program and the first business class. Things take some time to gain steam, and they aren't defined by how many people show up to the launch. If I really believe these things are good and that the people need & want them (which I do), I won't throw in the towel very quickly. If my eyes are on 5 years from now, I'm not all that concerned with what happens in this stage. Chill bro. Hans (Toros QB) told me this week that he learned from reading Genesis that time and circumstances are not a factor, we just need to be faithful. Time to take a page out of our business class curriculum and remember that starting new things takes time to grow, and "failure" is an opportunity to rethink, reimagine, and relaunch!
5. My lifelong mission is to become more like Christ and to glorify/point people to God. It's not to build up a broken community or change the world. God's in control of those things, and he'll do it how He pleases. He's sanctifying me through all things.
6. The strongest plants grow from the roots. I've got a mint plant in my herb garden and the plant looks like crud but every week it seems like a new shoot springs up a good foot away from the mother plant. That's cause it grows and spreads from the roots, not just with a bunch of leaves and nothing underneath. I've still got a lot to learn. I don't know Spanish the best, I've never taken a single business course, let alone taught one, and I don't have a library full of games to play with teenagers cause I was never a youth pastor. God's got a lot shaping to do with this clay pot here. I've still got a lot to learn about really trusting God, and re-learn a number of the things I'd like to teach the folks I'm tryna teach.
7. Community development moves slowly, at the speed of people. This was what I walked away saying after my first visit to Parker Street Ministries, and I loved so much how personal and true-hearted their ministry was, and how it took 10-15 years of relationships to get to the point where they were moving forward with the more external things like buildings and parks and whatnot. That being said, days like today make me yearn for a normal job where I'm not having to be friendly to all kinds of strangers and start things from nothing and borrow things. Like dang it would be nice to just crank out some batches of salad dressing at the restaurant, or tend to customers needs at a retail shop, or do rounds at a hospital, or teach some math to students who are required to be there so there's something predictable going on. Eh.
8. Guatemalans, as a whole, are not particularly opportunistic. (I can only write this because I quote from at least 2 Guatemalans I've talked to.) They've got a lot of things to juggle just to get through today and eat. So the "survival mentality" that dominates impoverished lives is a real thing. People are always going to be late to things, or just not show up, even if they tell you, "Oh man that sounds great, we'll be there!" Perhaps they don't take advantage of help cause they don't imagine anything better for themselves, or for their country. So the programs we put together are pretty well geared to the needs they expressed, but, so it is. Community programs aren't like school where you need to go, not like church where one may feel obligated to go, they're optional, even if they're really helpful, and even if the "rules" say not to skip tutoring program, what are we gonna do about it? But again, if we believe these are good things, we're not gonna just throw them away cause they didn't start with a bang.
9. Music can speak some of the best simple truths. (Also some of the catchiest lies #popmusic).
Eric Bibb is a great blues artist (click to listen). He writes,
Just keep goin' on
Take every knock as a boost
And every stumbling block as a stepping stone
Lift up your head and hold your own
Just keep goin' on
10. My "trials" pale in comparison to the daily struggles of the people I'm trying to help, so don't go crying anywhere. So people suck at showing up. Well, I've still got food on the table (thanks supporters), I've got a cozy bed, a smokin' hot and gold-hearted wife who shares said cozy bed with me, a hot shower, and a good God who knows a lot more what he's doing than I do. Most Guatemalans can't say all of those things, sadly, so suck it up AJ, and spend yourself on their behalf and quit worrying about your doggone dreams for awesome ministries and programs. Also, my light and momentary troubles are achieving for me an eternal glory that outweighs them all, so I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal! (2 Cor 4)
11. I want to find curl up with what's familiar, with what feels good but I need to live on what's true, not on what I feel. Since I do have a number of things to fall back on, that's where I want to go when something goes wrong. Just Skype with Mom and see my dog, or eat some blackberry crisp, or play a board game and win (to placate the blast to my ego, of course). Last night I just wanted to go to bed and wake up late and not have to deal with the thoughts that maybe none of this is going to work [how I want it to]. But instead, I woke up early and hit the gym, threw some weights around, then turned on some acoustic blues music and did some writing. The Miller girl from the Bahamas didn't feel like she could win the 400m in the olympics at the end, but she ran based on what was true that she had just a bit of effort left, so she gave everything and dove across the finish line to edge out the more complacent Allyson Felix for gold. Being comforted by familiarity is good, but it doesn't change the reality in front of you. The reality is that God brought us here to do His will. The reality is that people in Bethania are struggling--financially, relationally, spiritually. God brought me there not to wallow, but to bring the good news that He is redeeming all of this and that Jesus is the way. He's got a killer plan for Bethania, and some of that involves me and most of that doesn't. The reality is me and people there and everywhere still need a Savior, regardless of how I feel about who's showing up to things.
Alright, well, I'm headed to Bethania, to celebrate what there is, maybe tweak some ideas, maybe bash some kids on the side of the head for being all talk and no show, and just keep goin' on. Dig some roots. Learn some more stuff.